Did your boyfriend cheat? Poems or songs about the subject of infidelity may be what you are looking for right now – something with which to sympathize and to assuage the pain. After all, it is a basic human need to turn to art during times of trouble. But, wouldn’t you rather spend your energy figuring out whether you can make things work with him again? Isn’t that time better spent than just wallowing in your pain? Here are some tips on how to restore your relationship after your boyfriend cheats.
His Cheating Does Not Necessarily Mean the End
Some people believe that cheating means the end of a good relationship. However, I do not agree with this assertion. In my opinion, every relationship can be saved if both parties are committed to working on it together. I want to show you how you can get your boyfriend back, even after he has been unfaithful.
Regaining mutual trust in a relationship requires that both of you adjust your approach – your attitudes and beliefs – to the relationship. After all, if your boyfriend had an affair, something was going on that caused him to do this. In fact, there may be something wrong with your relationship at a deep level. Fortunately, you have the power to heal what ails your relationship. Taking the following steps will help you restore the trust that has been lost.
Take Stock of the Issues
You need to start by taking stock of the issues you faced. What was going on when your boyfriend strayed? Was it your physical relationship? Did he always seem to be too busy for you? Was one of you not taking good enough care of yourself in terms of your looks, your body, your mind?
Look Inside Yourself
Your boyfriend would never have had the affair if your relationship were 100% perfect, right? You need to ask yourself: what needs to be done to fix it? You need to look inside yourself to determine what you need to do to make things better. To restore trust between the two of you, you will need to fix the underlying issues. That could mean going to see a therapist.
Take Baby Steps
In order to build trust in your relationship again, actions speak louder than words. You need to put together an action plan. For example, your boyfriend needs to show you that he is trustworthy. He can do so by making small promises – and then keeping them. If you live together, this might involve his being consistent about doing the chores Or, it could mean picking you up from school or work on a regular basis. These types of actions will, over time, rebuild a sense of confidence between the two of you.
You Need Ongoing Reassurance
Since you are still hurting due to his transgression, you are going to need constant reassurance that your boyfriend has changed for the better. You may need him to apologize more than once for what he has done. And, he needs to be patient if sometimes you get emotional in thinking about what he has done: negative emotions are bound to well up in you now and again.
Of course, for the wounds you have incurred to really heal, you will need to get to the point where you will stop verbally blaming your boyfriend for what he did. This will take some time, but if you keep re-opening the wound, the two of you may never really heal completely. The bottom line is: you need to get over the hurting, and he needs to get over any feelings of guilt he harbors about what he has done if you are both going to make it through this.
Regaining and restoring the trust in your relationship will surely take time. It will necessitate the changing of the approach that each of you takes toward your relationship and toward each other. In the end, it is entirely possible to heal the wounds and become a strong couple in the end.