It can be hard to admit to yourself that you suspect your husband or wife may be cheating on you. The potential pain and heartache – not to mention the embarrassment – of this realization would be too much for most people to bear. Still, if part of you thinks that something fishy might be going on, you need to sit up and take notice. Here are 5 signs of cheating in marriage:
1. Your spouse is suddenly buying you more gifts and generally being nicer to you than usual:
After being married for some time, most couples slide into a particular pattern of behavior that is fairly consistent over time. For example, practices such as giving gifts to each other tends to happen at predictable intervals (e.g., birthdays and anniversaries), with the occasional surprise gift thrown in now and then. Your marriage is likely no different: by now, you basically know what to expect from your spouse in terms gifts and other niceties. So, if your spouse has recently started buying you gifts, bringing flowers, or acting overly nice or affectionate without any apparent reason, it is highly possible he or she is having an affair. This may sound counterintuitive, but it is actually a common phenomenon. Bottom line: a recent explosion in extra-nice or loving behavior from your spouse may be a manifestation of the guilt he or she is feeling about their illicit affair.
2. You feel that something just isn’t right, but may be afraid to admit it to yourself:
We humans have an amazing ability to sense when something just isn’t quite right. It is usually no more than a general feeling that something is wrong, even though the exact issue may not be clear. For example, you may have experienced the feeling in a public place that you were being watched, only to turn and see someone staring intently. This sixth sense or intuition that we all have can apply to our marriage, as well. If your spouse is having an affair, he or she may be acting subtly different in ways that you sense but cannot put your finger on. Trust your instincts and listen to your heart.
3. Your spouse is more irritable than usual and seems to pick fights:
Has your spouse been particularly grumpy lately? Does he or she seem to want to start a fight frequently? Of course, if there are obviously issues in their life, such as a lost job, economic hardship, or problems at work, these could easily explain away the irritability. But, if you cannot identify a particular cause of this strange behavior, your spouse may be unconsciously using their grumpy behavior as a way to distance themselves from you in order to lessen their guilt about an ongoing affair.
4. He or she has picked up new hobbies or habits seemingly out of nowhere:
If your husband or wife has recently started showing a sudden interest in s new hobby (e.g., tennis, square dancing, or playing checkers) – or if he or she has suddenly picked up a new style of music such as country or hip-hop – this could be a sign that they have a lover on the side. Reason: people in new relationships can be easily susceptible to picking up on the tastes of their new lovers, and they will not hesitate to express those tastes in all parts of their lives.
5. Your spouse is more critical of you than usual:
If your spouse seems to be on your back about seemingly everything lately, this could be a sign that something is amiss. Similar to their need to pick fights with you (see #3), spouses who are cheating try to play on the guilt they feel by justifying their actions through the putting down of their spouse (crazy and convoluted, but true).
If, after reading about these 5 signs of cheating in marriage, you have come to the conclusion that your spouse is cheating on you, you have some decisions to make. First, you need to decide whether you are going to confront your spouse about your realization. If you want your relationship to survive, at some point you are going to need to confront them about it.
Second, if you decide that your relationship is worth saving, you need to seek sound advice from a relationship expert about how to recapture the heart of your husband or wife. I know it can work, because this is what saved my marriage.